somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
