since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
