Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
