that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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