your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
