I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just blew my weed a kiss
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
