I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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