I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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