if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
