you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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