I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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