I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
