My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
