How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
