I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
