the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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