Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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