just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
