Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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