If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
