if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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