Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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