watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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