Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
