And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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