i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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