I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
