WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
