I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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