Just fell off a train. Bad.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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