My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
