woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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