Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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