you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
