Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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