Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
