I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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