I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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