I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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