I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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