if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
