Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
