dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
