If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
