i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
