I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
