First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
