Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
