I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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