I want to stick my p in your. b.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
