Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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