I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
